Scary Spice

Crisis Managment. It's what I'm learning during this week's orientation for work. There's a lot more to it than restraining people using yourself as the restraint, but lets be honest, its what makes me feel the most BA. Unfortunately for me, I learned a different kind of restraint when I worked at my job in Iowa. Same concept, different ways to get to the end result. It would be like learning how to ride a bike then somebody coming along and saying "nooo, you actually have to pedal like this now...and if you pedal your old way, well then we might stick a law suit on you". Oh, ok then. Not that I used restraints very often in Iowa, but it's in my mind well enough that sitting in this new class I think "Oh yeah, I do this in this situation. Wait, I can't do that now? But why? It worked well before...". And I'll be honest, the Iowa version makes a lot more sense than this one. Oh well, I'm sure I'll adapt.

I came home and practiced with the man. I'm now officially scared for my life. At least in Iowa we had seclusion rooms and always a big male on staff. Here? Nope. No seclusion room and two females on staff with me being the tallest. I know I will panic and I know I will forget everything I'm now learning/have learned.

Dear Boys,
Please be good.
Or else I may have to call 911.
Love, Me

Today Levi bought me a present. He traded in a lot of the video games he had and didn't play and used his credits to buy me Gettin Fit With Mel B (yes, the spice girl...Scary Spice in case you were trying to remember). I've been wanting that for awhile because the gym at our apartment isn't very big. The saying three's a crowd is true in this case. Teeny tiny. So now I'll get to work out with a spice girl, in the convenience of my own home, and I know you're all jealous. Maybe I'll even get her autograph, or at least download some spice girls jams to get myself in the mood.

Is it weird I like sleeping on this futon more than I like sleeping in the bed? It's comfier. I miss my bed. I like soft mooshy beds. Levi's is firm. Which is what he likes, so that's good. We need a sleep number bed. Ahhhh, I'm going to dreamland just thinking about how comfy that would be. Maybe a twin sized memory foam mattress pad. Just put it on my side of the bed? Hmmm...there's something to think about. Why is sleep number the only brand to sell a bed that's half soft and mooshy and half firm? There's no way Levi and I are the only people with this dilemma. He couldn't get a good nights sleep in my bed, and I can't get one in his. I wake up all sore and tired because I was tossing and turning all night trying to get comfy. So, get on that other bed brands!

Also, I love fudgesicles. That is all.

**Warning: Disgusting Pictures**

Yesterday after I got off of work, Levi and I had planned on going to the beach. I came home and he even had our beach bag all packed up with our towels, goggles, snacks, and all other kinds of fun stuff you take to the beach. But unfortunately we never made it to the beach because it just wasn't beach weather. It was humid and cloudy. Not sunny and bright, which is obviously beach weather. So instead Levi and I decided to waste some time walking around the mall, grab some supper, and picked up two movies to watch.

Levi and I have got to stop picking movies out ourselves. We really suck at it. I picked Sex and the City 2 and he picked Battle Los Angeles. His movie was a better pick than mine, I'll admit it. But after 1.5 hours of the same thing, even his movie got a little boring. The whole movie was men at war killing aliens. The.Whole.Movie. Shooting. Dying. Shooting. Shooting. More dying. Throw in some cursing and a few perverted jokes and BAM! Battle Los Angeles. I don't think either one of us would recommended either movie. Ever.

Who would have guessed that we would have needed all that desensitization towards horrific events during the next few minutes of our lives? We're both really tired (and you all know how giggly I get when I'm really tired) getting ready for bed. I walk into our bedroom, flip on the light switch and see this on the wall opposite me:

"HOLY SHIT!!! HOLY SHIIIIT!!!"
"What are y- ... HOLY SHIT"

Um, Hello Mr. Spider, you are f*cking HUUUUGE! I'm not exaggerating when I say this thing was easily the size of Levi's fist. No joke. But I'm tired, and giggly, and know I'm screwed because Levi's afraid of normal spiders, let alone huge poisonous ones. That's a brown recluse by the way, famous for doing work such as:

or this

Bascially the venom kills your skin cells. Anyways, where was I? Oh yes, I'm tired and know I'm screwed because Levi hates spiders and I'm not going anywhere near that bitch. This is myyyy house, not yours. So what does tired Joella do? Obviously the most logical thing ever...throw stuff at the wall so the huge thing just moves around the room. Do I stop when he gets about 2 throws at him away from our bed? Pshhh, where's the fun in that? *Throw.* He moves closer to our bed. *Throw*. Whoooops.

"JOELLA MARIE! THAT GODDAMN THING IS HIDDEN BEHIND OUR BED!! NOW HOW IN THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO FIND IT WITHOUT PULLING EVERYTHING OUT FROM UNDER THERE?!"

So I stare at him and giggle. At this point it's pretty funny. I think more for me than him. We stand there for awhile, me laughing and him wondering how we are going to ever find that stupid thing from under our bed. Patience is a virtue. Because he must not have found anything fun under there because here he came crawling up the wall like he owned the place. Levi, high on adrenaline and fear, grabs a paper I need for work and tries to kill him with it.

"You can't kill him with that! I need that for work! I don't want to take huge spider guts with me!"
"Jesus Christ! Just give me something before we lose him again!" He looks down and sees my new Cosmo. *SMACK* Two legs stick to the wall and he falls down on the floor. Oh good, it's over.

"HE'S NOT DEAD!!" That's the next thing I heard coming from Levi and I looked down, and this jerk is missing two legs and still going! Levi keeps hitting him and hitting him and eventually he's dead and my cosmo is ruined. So we flush him down the toilet.

We slept in the living room. On the futon. I wasn't sleeping in there? What if he invited all his little, ahem, HUGE spider friends over for a party? Yeah, ummmm, no thanks. I have no plans in sleeping in there tonight either. Probably not until Tuesday when our apartment gets sprayed for spiders, bugs, all those fun little creatures. Dramatic? Yes, a bit you could say. But all I can say is you would do the same if you felt those invisible spiders crawling all over you today too!