beauty IN THE beast

Let's go back in time, say, two years? Three years? Around there. I tell you "In 3 years I'm going to be driving through Tampa" what would you say? What if I said "In 3 years I'm going to be driving a big white van, kinda like so:

Now what if I said "In 3 years I'll be driving that big white van through Tampa". Well, I should've bet a million dollars on it...because i'd be awfully rich. Not as rich as if Grandpa won the lottery, however.

Let me tell you what...i rock that van. I look super hott drivin that thing. Just today people were honking at me (it had all to do w/ how good I looked driving it, and nothing to do w/ my super slow "i'm in a panic" speed) Levi better hire me a body guard because I know he's gonna have a hard time keeping the men off me drivin' that thing around. Whew-whew!!

Tomorrow I go back to work. Hopefully I don't have to drive that beast again because I'm joking about it, but it scares to me death. No joke. Florida driving has taught me good math skills though.

Florida Driving Teaches You Math

Example One: You are driving down I-4 and the speed limit is 65. What is your speed?

65+15=80
The correct answer is : 80

Example Two: You are driving down I-275 at 5:30 PM, how long does it take you to go 2 miles?

The correct answer is : 30 minutes
(Trick question, I said 5:30 PM...RUSH HOUR!)

Example Three: You are driving behind a car on I-75 at a safe following distance. How many cars can you squeeze into that space?

Using logical division: 0
Using Florida Driving Math:
The correct answer is: 2 cars

Example Four: You see the car in front of you on I-4 of hitting their breaks and slowing down? After how many seconds should you hit your breaks?

Using logical math: Right Away
Using Florida Driving Math:
The correct answer is:
When you are 1 second away from hitting the car in front of you,
causing a chain reaction of people slamming on their breaks.

I'm sure I'll learn to be an aggressive driver sooner or later, but right now, I still get freaked out driving it in Sulley, let alone that beast! At least I have it down to a science, er, math.

Clark.

Today was my first day on the job, and I think I'm going to really like it. Then again, who ever thinks they are going to hate something on the first day? Quick, List-Version of what I got paid to do today:
* Do puzzles
* Play Catch With a Football
* Play In A Garden Hose
* Doodle Pictures
* Give High-5's
* Help With Summer School Homework

I'll go back tomorrow. When the newness of me wears off I'm sure the people I work with won't be as well behaved.

Today's question: What's special about your Grandmother, and why?

Well, Grandma Clark is probably the coolest grandma I know. And she's mine. Haha, sucks for you. Today I'm more in the mood for lists apparently because even though my job sounded like all fun and games, ok it was all fun and games, I'm worn out and don't feel like writing a billion.

Why Grandma Clark is special:

1) My Grandma makes sure she emails me everyday. Not only is that super thoughtful, but it's also very techno-savy of her. Every day I wake up and one of the first things I do is check my email to see what she's been doing. Every day this conversation happens between Levi and I, with the questioning and asking alternating on various days.
"Did Grandma email you today?" "Yeah, did she email you today?" "Yeah" "What'd she say?" "Well, if she wanted you to know what she told me, she'd have told you in YOUR email"
Hahaha. True.

2) She's funny. My favorite is when she ends her emails with "later". I'm not really sure why, but I think it's hilarious. I like when her and Grandpa pretend to fight, because it's funny that they aren't. Maybe you have to be there in person to understand why that ones funny.

3) I can always count on her. She adopted Marlo when I had to heart brokenly give him away. She will chit chat with me when I accidentally get to work 30 minutes early. She suggested that my Grandfather drive down to Florida to make our ride easier and our move cheaper. She helped us pack and load the truck.

4) The way she always has food on the mind. She'll always make sure I never leave her house without a package of fig newtons. She'll always make sure that if I want a big bowl of ice cream, she'll have two flavors to choose from. She'll start planning supper right after lunch (sorry Grandma, I mean dinner.)

5) She is teaching me what love is. How many couples still kiss each other goodbye when one leaves the house after 50+ years of marriage? For that case, how many couples are even still married that many years after?

6) The way she always keeps her house looking so clean. It's not easy to do that. I'm learning that. Yet somehow she never has her house looking sloppy, even if she says it does.

7) She tries to teach me how to cook. I call for advice when I'm cooking sometimes. She'll give me recipes. She always asks if I've been cooking for Levi, then tells me I need to practice when I answer with "pshhh, Grandma, of course not! Levi likes to cook and I'm scared of burning the apartment down"

8) She didn't judge me when I went through my hating to drive, panic attack when behind the driver's seat phase. In fact, she told me how she's pretty much always been in that same phase.

9) She doesn't dress like a Grandma. She wears cute clothes.

10) My Grandma is pretty. :)

Our "cheerleader" pose

Now, I know my Grandpa reads this too, and the last thing I'd want to do is make him feel left out. So Grandpa...
*Thank you for driving with us to Florida. I'm glad you went with us. I think it was fun and I especially liked our conversation at the restaurant here in Tampa

*Thank you for always letting me eat the last of your saltine crackers, even though I know if somebody ate the last of my crackers I'd be annoyed.

*Thank you for always being there for me. I know you don't like to talk on the phone, but when Grandma's not home, you always make sure to talk to me for longer.

*Thank you for always making those silly faces when Grandma tells her stories. It's like watching a narrator sometimes.

*I'm glad you have an inside joke with Seth and Levi. They both think it's hilarious, and I'm sure Levi can't wait until he gets those R's put on his truck soon. Next up, matching tattoos, right?

*Thanks for letting Marlo be your kitty. He's a brat. But you still let him sit on your lap. He is a pretty cute kitty though, you can't really deny that. :P

I call him for style advice...obviously


Happy Couple

Tales Of The Bathroom

Today I spent a chunk of my day doing one of my favorite things...talking to Kait! It has been incredibly far too long since our last phone chat, and it was so nice to catch up. We went from talking about an hour and a half every other day, to talking a few times a month. Both of our lives got crazy busy working way too many hours. She's one of the only people outside of my family that I trust 100%. I know I can always depend on, no matter what. She listens to what I have to say, no matter what the situation, and always gives me her opinion. Even if it's not what I want to hear. She's only a few months older than me, but we always joke she's an old soul because she's centuries older than me. Needless to say, I miss her.

Last night there was a pretty good thunderstorm. I didn't feel it but Levi said the low rumbling thunder was vibrating the apartment floor. I was in the bedroom writing yesterday's blog during the storm, and Levi was out in the den playing some video games when the storm started. Well, we both must have had the same idea because as I got up to turn off the light in the bedroom and open the blinds to watch the storm, I heard him opening the blinds in the den as well. Then a HUGE bolt of lightening came down, and I knew there was going to be a huge thunder. Levi's going to kill me for this (it was nice knowing you all and I love you very much...) but after that forementioned thunder happened he came running into the bedroom and said "SHIT! Did you hear that? It scared the shit out of me!" I laughed. You know, because it's usually me doing the screaming during thunderstorms, not my big manly man.

Now tonight we are under an "air pollution warning" until sunset tomorrow. Um, ok? So...what? don't breathe? Or what? I don't know. What's that even mean? Like...I don't even have an idea. Acid rain? Help me out here, folks.

I cannot wait until I start doing exciting things, so I can write about real stuff on here and stop doing all these questions. Maybe I'll just start making exciting stories up and telling you all they're true. Like, today Levi saved me from being attacked by a shark while at the beach. We now have shark teeth necklaces hanging from Sulley and the Ragin' Ranger's rear view mirrors. We will also be on Channel 8's News at 10 for an exclusive interview! Wish you were all here to check it out! Youtube it, maybe?

Or, I've been keeping this a secret but I've been training to swim across the Gulf of Mexico. And, well, today's the big day! Wish me luck!


But, unfortunately, not yet. So here's today's question: What is your favorite room in the house? Why?

Hm, well this is easy. Bathroom!

You see, the bathroom is where I destress. Whenever I'm stressed I take a too long, too hot shower. When I'm stressed I cry. (Actually I also cry when I'm happy, sad, mad, or watching a girly movie...) And when I'm in the shower it's hard to know if it's tears or drops of water running down my face, which makes it easier to just ball it out without feeling like a baby. Then the hot water numbs your body, which helps the stress feel numb too. It's kinda like taking a shower when you don't feel good. You get out of the shower and you feel like you washed away the sickness. Well, when I'm done with a stress shower I feel like I have washed away the stress.

Then after ever shower I get to use my bath and body works lotion! Everybody who knows me knows I have a slight obsession with bath and body works. So then I get to pick one of my scents for the day (today was the now discontinued Cherry Vanilla) and put it on. Sometimes I even get a little crazy and mix the smells. Livin' on the wild side!!

In the bathroom is also where I put on my makeup. There's something about putting on my makeup everyday that just makes me feel so pretty and ready to face the world. I like it. Call me shallow, don't care. I also like playing with my hair in front of the mirror and pretending like I won't choose the same hairdo as I do every other day. I like to keep my nails lookin fresh, clean, and painted and I always paint them in the bathroom too.

Basically, I'm a huge girly girl and do all my girly primping in the bathroom. I go in tired and stressed and come out B-E-uuuuutiful. Every day. What's not to love? (we'll go on and forget about what the bathroom is REALLY used for for the sake of this lovely post).