Tuesday, July 26, 2011

You're The Only Ten I See

I'm slowly, and painfully, learning you honestly can't plan anything. Ever. Just when you think "WAM! BAM! This is all falling together perfectly...see, I told you everything happens for a reason!" life giggles in your face and tells you "Oh honey, life's not that easy" and throws you for a curve ball. Another one. Which is fine, because with all this practice I'm having with them eventually I'm going to hit one home. (You like my baseball reference, yes that's nice isn't it).

So the job search is still ongoing, and I must say I'm a little relieved to have not accepted the position at the nursing home. Call me crazy. I know I need a job...bad. I know that the job market sucks. But for some reason I have no interest in working in that type of setting again. I want something new. So I've been applying to other places, a lot of them being desk jobs. Like a receptionist. I'm so used to running around like my head is cut off at jobs that now I just want to try a desk job. Is that weird? I don't know, but it's what I'm looking for right now. When I stumble upon jobs in the mental health fields I still apply for them, I just am more focused on a desk job.

The apartment search...this is where the new life curve ball comes in. Me and the roomie had plenty of complexes picked out. It was going to be downtown in the city. That way we could walk to coffee shops during the days we didn't work. We could walk to the bars on the weekends and not have to worry about someone having to be a DD. We could people watch from our windows, and have plenty of other people our age in our same complex. Basically we wanted to be in the middle of our new hometown to meet and make new friends. Now, without getting too personal, all I will say is that sometimes life throws people in your life curve balls so big it affects your life as well. That's what happened in this situation. But roomie, I know you'll get better soon. Just take your time, follow what the doctor says, drive back to the home state and let mom and dad help you feel better (which always works for me), and then come back here! :) Love you!

So now I think I'm just going to rent a three bedroom with two other friends. It's not going to be downtown now, of course, so I'm starting to get a little nervous on how to meet people. But I don't think I really should be because I've already met about 10-15 new people. I'm just waiting for everything to click into place. Which it will, because it always does. I'm just not very patient and things usually fall into place a lot faster than 21 days and counting like it is this time. Guess you can't enjoy the sunny days unless you've experienced some rainy ones though.

But since I haven't done many blog posts recently, and my life is kinda a mess right now I thought I'd get back to doing some of those questions.

When was your last food craving, and what did you crave?

The other day the people who I've been staying with and I were craving brownies, real bad. So we piled into the car, rolled the windows down, turned the jams up, and enjoyed the absolutely beautiful weather out here on the way to the grocery store...at midnight. First of all, me craving brownies is never a good idea. You know, the whole being allergic to brownies thing. Second of all, I can't cook. It doesn't matter if it's a simple brownie mix...we are talking about a girl who messed up jell-o just a few weeks ago. Third of all, why are we needing caramel brownies at that late at night? Anyways, so we come back and I'm pretty sure half of the batter got ate instead of baked because by the time the brownies were done...we only had about three brownies. Ok, so they were pretty nice sized brownies, but just three nonetheless. They were delicious and gone 10 minutes after they came out of the oven. They were delicious. Maybe we'll make some more tonight when he gets off work. Yum.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Me & Tennessee

Where to start, where to start?! I'm in a new city, job searching and apartment searching...again. Luckily I was able to pull some connections and was offered a job at a nursing home. I haven't decided whether or not to accept the postion, and I have over the weekend to think about it. I think I'll go for it. I've always liked working with people in the past. I think this time I was just wanting to try something different. A desk job, just to try it out...see how it fits with me. Naturally, a human services job found me first.

My first day back visiting my hometown was a blast. I was able to meet up with a few friends from high school and we went out for margaritas then looked at old prom pictures. We walked around the town, traded clothes, ate some good food, swam at the pool, and talked about how much has changed yet remained the same since we were all last together. I haven't talked much to any of them since high school, yet when we all got together it felt just like it used to, and not awkward or forced like it can be other people sometimes. It's nice to know you always have friends you can return to, and as one of them said "You guys are like my family that lives far away. Even if I hadn't talked to you in forever, I always knew I could call you and you'd be there for me".

I'm starting to realize that I have a lot of people like that in my life. And I'm ashamed to say that I took them for granted. It's nice to have reconnected with them. I like all the random texts I'm getting from them all now even if I now have to charge my phone three times a day. It's not just my hometown friends either. I've started talking to a few people from Cedar Rapids, Cornell, and childhood friends again, too. I haven't felt so loved in a long time.

Anyways, back to what I've been doing. After a few days in my hometown I drove to my new home sweet home. (Ok, not technically my new home sweet home yet as me and the roomie are still apartment searching.) We went out our first night to a small bar where it seemed like everybody knew each other, they had martinis for cheap, and bad karaoke. But I loved it. The next night we went out again with some of my friend's friends from work and that was a lot of fun as well. The environment at this bar was a lot different from the bar the night before. It was an outdoor bar that was jam packed and had a live band. Let me tell you what I learned after meeting a few people that night... it has been a few years since I've had to do the whole dating thing... and men are confusing. Can't say I'm too worried right now though because I want to get my life in gear and a relationship definitely isn't near the top of my to do list. Obviously. Although not having to buy my drinks is always nice, and getting a rose is nice as well.

The next few days have been an even rotation of job searching and laying out by the pool. We've been at the pool so much that I permanently smell like chlorine, no matter how many times I shower. My favorite memory at the pool so far was when this guy came up to us and said "Wow, there's a lot of water in this thing". I think he may have been drunk. Him carrying around a beer can in the pool was his giveaway. That and him laughing as his baseball cap sank to the bottom of the (deep) pool and floated around everybody.

Basically, I'm coming to peace with my situation. Yes, being with him was my dream. Yes, living in Florida was also my dream. So being with him in Florida, I was in heaven. But sometimes what you have planned for life, isn't what life has planned for you. Everything happens for a reason though, I honestly believe that. The timing for me moving to this new city couldn't have worked out any more perfectly. And honestly, I'm excited to once again, see where this next chapter takes me.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Adam

Adam. He's the person outside of my family who I've known the longest. Actually, I met him before I even met my Aunt Vicki (I've been told, I don't actually know because, well, I don't remember). We've grown up together, a f1ew blocks away from each other. We went to the same babysitter, same school, and his family I call my second family (it was facebook official too before I deleted my account). So today I thought I'd post random memories I have about him.

1) Our high school had open lunch, and I'd go to his house for lunch with him everyday our junior year. His mom would be there on her lunch as well. I'd race his microwave to see who could get things done first.

2) Adam and I sucked at calculus. Everyday we'd have the same discussion "What time do you get off work tonight?" "8" "Ok, I don't work, so just come over and we'll do our homework from hell". Sometimes he'd understand it and teach it to me, sometimes it was the other way around. But most of the time it was us sitting at his table with our notes spread out all over, our graphing calculators out, and whining how much we hated that class. I think both of us were worried about passing.

3) He was a fast checker at Hy-Vee. He doesn't know this but whenever they put him on a register near me, I'd try to race him with our orders. He always won. Speedy hands, that one.

4) We shared a locker in middle school. It was a ghetto locker. Any combination would work to open it. But you had to turn it right, left, right before it decided it would open. Weirdest lock ever. We complained about it and got a new locker. The school had just added a new wing onto the building, and it opened the next week making it so that students no longer had to share lockers, so we got new lockers after that too.

5) We used to convince people we were twins. People believed us because we were always together. We even convinced this one idiot that we were born conjoined by a small flap of skin that could stretch about 60 miles so he could go to Iowa City and I could stay home. It was convenient for us and we didn't care about getting a surgery to unconjoin. But we did and that's why we were no longer conjoined.

6) We would go to the pool together everyday. Him, me, Julyn, his two little brothers, and any other friends who decided to go. We would ride all our bikes there in a long chair down the road. Then we'd play "Grandma & Grandpa" where we'd basically act out things old people do while jumping into the water. Haha.

7) Honking and waving the other direction.

8) Spending the night at a haunted hotel.

9) Sitting in the hallway before school started every morning, and complaining about the stupid gym teacher's arm full of bangle bracelets.

10) Him throwing away my shampoo and conditioner because as a hair stylist he couldn't have his best friend having "disgusting wal-mart bought shampoo and conditioner". He bought me new ones. They were grape scented...my favorite. Addicting. I need more, actually. Mmmm.

I have 23 years of memories with this boy, so obviously I could go on and on. Right now he's living with my cousin Kendra in Des Moines, and from what I hear they are having a great time! But how could you not with Adam as your roommate?

Friday, July 8, 2011

Taylor Swift Sings The Soundtrack To My Life

Today starts day one of my new life. I'm all moved out, and in the process of getting all moved in. All I can say is that I have the best family and friends in the world. So what song have I been jamming out to while unpacking today? This one.

State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy Which I genuinely thought I would
I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me He's the most selfish person I've ever met. He has no respect for others and won't ever apologize for anything. In fact, when confronted about things he actually finds a way to blame somebody else
So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy This is exactly what he'll do, as it's what he told me about his ex right before me.
That's fine I'll tell mine that you're gay! Haha, best line in the song.

By the way...

[Chorus:]
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive Honestly, I did hate his stupid truck. And the one of the few times he did try to teach me how to drive it (it was a stick) he got frustrated and yelled at me because I just wasn't picking up on it fast enough for him.
You're a redneck heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying The worst lies I've ever heard in my entire life we told by him. Such as "I love you" or "I'm not talking to her, I don't know how that got on my computer" "I'm not using that website, somebody must have hacked into my computer or something". What? You think I'm an idiot and will believe those? Nah.
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned you're
Just another picture to burn To bad the line wasn't something like "I wish I could erase you from my memory" :(

There's no time for tears,
I'm just sitting here planning my revenge I don't need to plan revenge because there's this thing called karma. It already gets him good. He always says "Why can't things just go my way for once?". Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's karma since all you do is treat people like shit all the time, so life will get back at you by treating you like shit.
There's nothing stopping me
From going out with all of your best friends Ew. No thanks.
And if you come around saying sorry to me
My daddy's gonna show you how sorry you'll be I would recommend never trying to talk to me again. Unless it's business about the apartment or bills or such.

[Chorus]

And if you're missing me, and IF you are, which I doubt because you are too selfish to care about anybody else in this world, just remember you brought this all on yourself. You can sleep in the bed you've made.
You'd better keep it to yourself
'cause coming back around here
Would be bad for your health...

'cause I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck heartbreak
Who's really bad at lying
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
In case you haven't heard,
I really really hate that...

[Chorus]

Burn, burn, burn, baby, burn
You're just another picture to burn
Baby, burn...

Other songs on my playlist:
* Story Of Us by Taylor Swift
* White Horse by Taylor Swift
* Perfectly Good Heart by Taylor Swift
* Should've Said No by Taylor Swift
* Tied Together With A Smile by Taylor Swift
* Stutterin' by Fefe Dobson
* Giddy On Up by Laura Bell Bundy
* Take A Bow by Rihanna
* A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Stand For Something

I deal with my emotions by listening to songs that relate to what I'm dealing with. So here's my song of the moment. I may have a lot of these blog posts coming up for the next few days...so I hope you all like music!



Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down x4

Don’t keep yourself away
Don’t live your life that way
Of course he’s gonna say anything you want I feel like this is what he's been doing
Then leave quicker than he came now you got yourself to blame Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me!
Don’t put yourself back in the fire again This time I know I can never go back. As soon as the apartment lease is taken care of, I will never speak his name again.

It’s the same damn things you’re so quick to believe "I'm not cheating on you, I swear. I don't know how that got into my computer's history." Somehow I believed that for a quick minute.
You do it over and over again True f*cking story
And it’s the same mistakes that I’m watching you make also true
You do it over and over again
So before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything From now on, I vow to stand up for myself. I'm going to wear that key to my heart necklace he gave me. Because he's right. Only I have the key to my heart. Only I can make me happy. And I vow to stand up for being treated right. I refuse to fall for another man, ahem boy (he is in no way, shape, or form a man), who is a cheater or an abuser (emotionally or physically).
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything

Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down x4

Oh, please don’t be so na├»ve Which I was...for far too long
Don’t wait ‘till your heart bleeds Thank God we never got married or I never got pregnant. Clean break. My hearts going to spit out blood, but it won't be life threatening bleeding.
Listen to me girl
He keeps fuckin’ with your head, tryna get you into bed All he ever did was play mind games
And in the morning you’ll just hate yourself I am furious with myself for wasting so much time on him.

It’s the same damn things you’re so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it’s the same mistakes that I’m watching you make
You do it over and over again

So before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything

Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down x4

And you give until there’s nothing to give I gave him absolutely everything. All my love. All my life. All my dedication. I was faithful the whole time he was in Iraq and Fort Bliss. That wasn't enough for him. And he's used it all up. I have nothing left to give him.
Until there’s nothing to give
Until there’s nothing to give x3

Before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for everything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything

Before they break you down, down, down
Cause girl they’ll bring you down, down, down
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down


As you finish reading this, feel free to leave me more songs that I may enjoy!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

To You (Venting)

Dear You,
I still remember that day. Perfectly. I came home from one job, and had an hour to grab lunch, change and go to my other job. I pulled into my parking lot and there you were. You were crying I could tell because there were tears running down your face. I opened my car door and you hugged me. You told me you missed me, that you realized how big of an asshole you had been to me, and how I had always been the one person there for you. You told me you loved me and never wanted to be without me. You gave me the key to my heart in a necklace form and told me you'd work for it everyday. You promised to never hurt me again. You promised to always try. You promised to always love me. I gave you another chance, and as you hugged me I asked one simple thing "To please not break my heart again, and if you do, please tell me so I don't get hurt this bad again". Yet look where we are. You are trying to make me look like the person in the wrong. You broke those promises. I didn't. You can accuse me of "watching you like a hawk" and "always asking questions to know where you are". Well, good thing my intutuion told me something was up, because you had plans to meet people at some sexual bathhouse. Good thing I asked questions when you kept smiling at your phone. Because I know what kind of perverted pictures you were taking on there now. Good thing I checked your work schedule to make sure you were really there, because you can always "tell people I'm at work and go and meet them somewhere" like you did in Iowa. You know what hurt the most? When I was crying, when I first started getting these feelings. You asked what was wrong, and I said "I'm afraid of getting my heart broken" and you said "fuck you joella..." and walked out. You know what else hurts? That you cuddled with me watching fireworks last night over the Gulf, your head in my lap. And telling me you love me. Then you go home and email those nasty things as if that night which meant everything to me, was just a show/a game for you. And now I'm sitting here with a broken heart, and God knows what you are doing.
You say I ruined your life by making you move to Florida with me. You ruined it yourself by refusing to communicate with me. You never once told me you didn't want to come to Florida. I have 3 years worth of emails telling me you would love to live in Florida with me. How was I supposed to know you didn't want to come when you've been telling me that for years and never the truth? Have you ever told me the truth about anything for that matter? Because looking back now... our start was a lie. how you even knew my mom was a lie. that you wanted to move to florida with me was a lie. that you wanted to marry me was a lie. that you loved me was a lie.
What did I ever do to you to make me want to hurt you so bad? Was it all the times I was there for you in Iraq? Or all the times I helped you with school? Was it all the times I attempted to make you happy, such as making sure you had an ice cold beer ready when you came home from work? You asked my dad the question for crying out loud. Yet you texted me today telling me you wanted to break up with me long before the move and couldn't find a way. You asked my dad the question a few days before our move. So either you were really getting into the game, or you text is a lie.
But all the nasty things you've told me: to go kill myself because know one would care anyways, that you cheated on me because you hated me 90% of the time anyways, that you would beat the shit out of me if i ever showed up at our apartment in iowa again, I didn't deserve. I didn't deserve the time you choked me in a drunken rage in our bathroom or having your fist bruised into my arm for 2 weeks bc I wanted to talk when you were asleep. I didn't deserve to be cheated on repeatedly for months at a time. I didn't deserve waking up in the middle of the night, you being gone from our apartment and when I called you you telling me to "mind my own f*cking business".
So go ahead and complain all you want that I ask too many questions. Tell yourself I was a horrible person for getting suspicious when you smiled at text messages you were getting at 1 AM when thats how you had cheated in the past. Keep lecturing me on how I have no backbone because I'm afraid to stand up to you. What you have done to me, I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. Because it sucks.
You say I ruined your life. No. I put your education on hold for a year, maybe. You, however, have ruined mine. You have taught me not to trust. You have taught me that true love doesn't exist. You have ruined my self esteem, knowing that my best and all my love isn't enough to keep even the slightest bit of respect for you.
I'm sitting here balling, and you are threatening to call the police on me for having a bracelet you gave to me as an anniversary present two years ago. You are sending me nasty messages when really it should be you crying.
I've never done anything but try to help you, and yet all you can do for me in return is stab me in the back. Not just once. But over and over and over. Then you bandage me up and do it again. Only this time you stabbing me is somehow my fault. It's my fault because I "made up those emails." " They weren't on your computer." "You didn't make that account on craigslist" and you "weren't talking to Michelle (the girl you cheated on me with)" even though your history on your computer shows otherwise. Good thing you cleared your history after I showed it to you, huh.
So you can move back to Iowa and have a grand old life with Michelle. Then when you get tired of her, you can just, you know, make her feel like complete shit. Use her, point out all her insecurities, make some up just to really get her low, then you can cheat on her too and make it her fault.
Weird. Because I'm the Michelle in the beginning of our story. Don't you remember? Your wife. You know, that girl you are still married to, to this day. If I could call her up and apologize, I would. You've always made her out to be some crazy lady, and that's what you are going to do to me. You were married to her, but still bought me two engagement rings because I didn't like the first one? You were married to her and asking my dad for permission for my hand in marriage. Yet this whole time not only were you sneaking around my back, you also knew you weren't going to divorce her. You knew we would never get married. And you knew it would never go farther than dating. So why did you drag my heart around like it was a piece of trash for almost four years? Seriously. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even feel my arms I'm so shaken up. And yet you are probably laying in "our" bed right this second, talking to some girl on the phone, not a care in the world what you have done to me. And that's what hurts. Knowing I care and cared so much, and you....you don't care at all. To you I am nothing more than trash.
Somebodys trash is another man's treasure. And someday I will be that treasure. The problems you and I had? The ones about me watching you like a hawk and always asking questions? Those stem from your lack of communication (yes yours, not mine, because you always told me I want to talk about our feelings too much so it is YOURs) and the consequences of infidelity. We won't have those. And if you had kept the promises you had made to me...we wouldn't have had them either. So keep congratulating yourself for "changing for me". We both know the only thing you changed is how careful you are about letting your cheating ways get caught.

An Unexpected Twist In The Chapter



I am absolutely disgusted right now. I was in love with that boy so much it hurt, literally. I love the way he smells and the gap between his front teeth. I love how he looks bald because his hair is so light in the sun. I love....him. But what do you do when you find out the person you love doesn't love you back? That to them you just ruined their life? That not having you in their life would make them happier than having you in it? What do you do when you find out that on top of all that they were cheating on you the whole time? That they hadn't been faithful to you in over 9 months? That's 9 months of living a lie. Of being drug around with no respect. Like you are a game.

I feel like a complete idiot. I knew this would happen as he cheated on me before. Yet he sweet talked his way back into my heart. And that boy, he can sweet talk. He came promising to change. Promising to work on things that we struggled with. Don't get me wrong, this boy did all those things. Then something happened. I guess he realized he didn't love me. He just realized I was a stupid girl who would take him back no matter what he did to me. He could have the best of both worlds. A girl at home and still live the single and mingle life. My intuition was telling me something wasn't right. He stopped going to bed with me at night. Stopped cuddling. Stop calling me pet names. Just little stuff, but it was putting up a big red flag in my mind.

So I know I shouldn't have. But I did. I went through his computer. He was talking to that same girl he cheated on me with before. He also had a secret craigslist account where he was emailing dirty pictures of himself to other people. He denied that too. However, you can clearly see our apartment in the background, you can clearly see our living room. And, ahem, I know what he looks like, it has been 3 1/2 years.

He's blaming it on me. Telling me nasty things, trying to make me feel guilty. I'm not the one cheating on him. I'm not the one leaving bruises on his arm. I'm not the one telling me nasty things. We've gone through this cycle so many times that I'm so ready to be over. I won't lie, I'm extremely hurt. I do love this guy, more than anybody I've ever loved in my entire life. I thought I wanted to build a life with him, start a family.

But it was proven "once a cheater, always a cheater". Cheaters have their ways and they aren't going to change. Someday I'm going to meet a man and he's going to do all the sweet things he did (open my door, kiss my forehead, etc) yet he will cause me more smiles than tears.

Now I'm sitting here wondering what words were the truth. Did he ever love me? Or was I just a game? Will he be happier tonight than ever before, knowing he'll never see me again? Will he wonder where I am or if I'm ok? When he took me on dates was he wishing I was somebody else? When he called me beautiful, did he ever really believe it? Or was he saying it to keep me swooning over him?

When he was talking to that other girl (one time when we were cuddled up watching a movie together) did he know he was breaking my heart, while I was in his arms? Did he not think of how I would feel if I knew what he was doing? Did seeing the bruise on my arm regret him touching me? Or was he proud of his work, that he messed up this girl who ruined his life? Was I not pretty enough for him? Was I not nice enough for him? What was I not doing right?

These are questions I know I'll never get answered. And they'll always hurt, and I'll always wonder about them. I've been thinking with my heart, and know it's time to start thinking with my brain. My heart loves him, and a part of it will always will. But you know what? I deserve so much more. I didn't deserve half of the nasty things I've heard him say to me during our years together. I didn't deserve to be cheated on. And I sure as hell didn't deserve being called a liar when I confronted him about it.

Am I completely innocent in this whole thing? No. I know I'm not. I've messed up too. But I have NEVER cheated. Have I said things I regret? Yes. Were there times I wish I could go back and do things differently? Yes. Was I controlling? Yes. Did I blow some things out of proportion? Oh heck yes. But the truth is, this whole relationship was built on a lie. From our very first conversation. That should have been a giant red flag when I figured it out a few months later, and I should have stopped things right there and then. I should have never spent 4 years on a relationship built on such an unstable foundation. But, I did. And there's nothing I can do to change that now. The only thing I can do now is move forward. The last time I thought "what if I give him just one more chance?" and I knew if he ever came back, I'd be with him. But now, there are no what ifs. I know what will happen. And that is I will be cheated on and end up broken hearted.

This boy has had too many of my tears. He's caused more tears in our four years than he has genuine smiles. He has absolutely no respect for me, and every "I love you" has been a lie. And you know what? I'm going to come to peace with that. And I'm going to move on.

"If he takes off his ring for you, he'll have no problem cheating on you either"

I thought I was different. I thought we were meant to be. But you know what? I'll be ok. I was expecting this chapter to end with a marriage or an engagment, and maybe it still will. But one thing I do know is that I need to be strong. It's going to be hard. I need to take some "me" time now. Work on building my career and a having a new life. I have a plan though and that's to take it one day at a time. I'm done planning out my future because life can always throw you a curve ball.


*******************
He was a major part of your life; of course you’ll miss him; it’s perfectly normal. It’s like getting a tooth pulled out; after the dentist pulls it, you’re relieved. But how many times do you run your tongue over the spot where it once was ? Probably a hundred times a day.just because it was hurting you, doesn’t mean you don’t notice it. It leaves a gap, and sometimes you see yourself missing it terribly. It’s going to take a while, but it always takes some time. Should you have kept the tooth? No, because it was causing you pain. Pulling the tooth was the right decision, but it’s still going to hurt.

******************
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert


Sunday, July 3, 2011

Outside The Window

So I was sitting here writing my blog about the ice cream when I noticed something flashing behind the blinds straight across from the futon I was sitting on. Levi asked what I was staring at, and I said "There's something flashing out there". So he pulled up the blinds, and it turns out we have the best seats ever for watching fireworks being shot off at the Raymond James football field. The lit up perfectly in the small space between the trees outside our living room window. They had some pretty ballin' fireworks, and now I'm excited for tomorrow!