Sunday, June 26, 2011

**Warning: Disgusting Pictures**

Yesterday after I got off of work, Levi and I had planned on going to the beach. I came home and he even had our beach bag all packed up with our towels, goggles, snacks, and all other kinds of fun stuff you take to the beach. But unfortunately we never made it to the beach because it just wasn't beach weather. It was humid and cloudy. Not sunny and bright, which is obviously beach weather. So instead Levi and I decided to waste some time walking around the mall, grab some supper, and picked up two movies to watch.

Levi and I have got to stop picking movies out ourselves. We really suck at it. I picked Sex and the City 2 and he picked Battle Los Angeles. His movie was a better pick than mine, I'll admit it. But after 1.5 hours of the same thing, even his movie got a little boring. The whole movie was men at war killing aliens. The.Whole.Movie. Shooting. Dying. Shooting. Shooting. More dying. Throw in some cursing and a few perverted jokes and BAM! Battle Los Angeles. I don't think either one of us would recommended either movie. Ever.

Who would have guessed that we would have needed all that desensitization towards horrific events during the next few minutes of our lives? We're both really tired (and you all know how giggly I get when I'm really tired) getting ready for bed. I walk into our bedroom, flip on the light switch and see this on the wall opposite me:

"What are y- ... HOLY SHIT"

Um, Hello Mr. Spider, you are f*cking HUUUUGE! I'm not exaggerating when I say this thing was easily the size of Levi's fist. No joke. But I'm tired, and giggly, and know I'm screwed because Levi's afraid of normal spiders, let alone huge poisonous ones. That's a brown recluse by the way, famous for doing work such as:

or this

Bascially the venom kills your skin cells. Anyways, where was I? Oh yes, I'm tired and know I'm screwed because Levi hates spiders and I'm not going anywhere near that bitch. This is myyyy house, not yours. So what does tired Joella do? Obviously the most logical thing ever...throw stuff at the wall so the huge thing just moves around the room. Do I stop when he gets about 2 throws at him away from our bed? Pshhh, where's the fun in that? *Throw.* He moves closer to our bed. *Throw*. Whoooops.


So I stare at him and giggle. At this point it's pretty funny. I think more for me than him. We stand there for awhile, me laughing and him wondering how we are going to ever find that stupid thing from under our bed. Patience is a virtue. Because he must not have found anything fun under there because here he came crawling up the wall like he owned the place. Levi, high on adrenaline and fear, grabs a paper I need for work and tries to kill him with it.

"You can't kill him with that! I need that for work! I don't want to take huge spider guts with me!"
"Jesus Christ! Just give me something before we lose him again!" He looks down and sees my new Cosmo. *SMACK* Two legs stick to the wall and he falls down on the floor. Oh good, it's over.

"HE'S NOT DEAD!!" That's the next thing I heard coming from Levi and I looked down, and this jerk is missing two legs and still going! Levi keeps hitting him and hitting him and eventually he's dead and my cosmo is ruined. So we flush him down the toilet.

We slept in the living room. On the futon. I wasn't sleeping in there? What if he invited all his little, ahem, HUGE spider friends over for a party? Yeah, ummmm, no thanks. I have no plans in sleeping in there tonight either. Probably not until Tuesday when our apartment gets sprayed for spiders, bugs, all those fun little creatures. Dramatic? Yes, a bit you could say. But all I can say is you would do the same if you felt those invisible spiders crawling all over you today too!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for scarring me for life. I'm going to be terrified for weeks now.